My True Created Need
Have you ever imagined a world wherein you played God? Have you fantasized about things you know never happened or would never happen? Well, I have ever since I was a kid.
Even when I was a kid, I always imagined worlds where everything was suddenly better. My imagination served as an escape route from reality. Well, I thought it was a harmless way of entertaining myself. I never thought how severe the consequences would be that I didn't listen to one of my older brothers when he told me to stop.
Now, I understand. It has become my addiction, my drug. I became so dependent on my makeshift realities that I become stuck in them. Of course, I had to pay the repercussions, and I still am. The opportunity costs I took were more valuable than I had previously perceived. Only now do I realize the fault in my decision.
I lost time. I lost the time to do things I needed to do (e.g. homework). More importantly, I lost time that I could have used to be with my friends and family. Thus, I became sort of antisocial that I just wanted to be alone in my own reality. I regret this most of all. Only now do I realize that the moments when I felt alone was really just my fault. I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't see I had people and friends waiting for me.
The greatest damage that being stuck in my own reality brought me was losing my complete identity. In my own world, I was the best. I had every quality that society considers perfect. I was really playing God, and that affected me a lot. I have always tried to be someone I never was and somehow partially lost sight of who I really am.
What really hurts here is that I lost sight of the things that are really important all because I wanted to feel better about myself. And so, I resolve to abandon whatever reality I have created for my own good. I will try to let go of my true created need.
The universe doesn't revolve around any one of us. Let us not blind ourselves with our own light before we lose sight of where we really are and of the truly important things.
Even when I was a kid, I always imagined worlds where everything was suddenly better. My imagination served as an escape route from reality. Well, I thought it was a harmless way of entertaining myself. I never thought how severe the consequences would be that I didn't listen to one of my older brothers when he told me to stop.
Now, I understand. It has become my addiction, my drug. I became so dependent on my makeshift realities that I become stuck in them. Of course, I had to pay the repercussions, and I still am. The opportunity costs I took were more valuable than I had previously perceived. Only now do I realize the fault in my decision.
I lost time. I lost the time to do things I needed to do (e.g. homework). More importantly, I lost time that I could have used to be with my friends and family. Thus, I became sort of antisocial that I just wanted to be alone in my own reality. I regret this most of all. Only now do I realize that the moments when I felt alone was really just my fault. I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't see I had people and friends waiting for me.
The greatest damage that being stuck in my own reality brought me was losing my complete identity. In my own world, I was the best. I had every quality that society considers perfect. I was really playing God, and that affected me a lot. I have always tried to be someone I never was and somehow partially lost sight of who I really am.
What really hurts here is that I lost sight of the things that are really important all because I wanted to feel better about myself. And so, I resolve to abandon whatever reality I have created for my own good. I will try to let go of my true created need.
The universe doesn't revolve around any one of us. Let us not blind ourselves with our own light before we lose sight of where we really are and of the truly important things.
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